Prayer - Part 1

Prayer is tough. It's hard to know if you're doing it right and even harder to know what to say. Are there rules? Do I have to pray right before I go to bed? "I'll never pray like her." Oh yea ... I've been there. So let's focus on the basics. Let's understand where to direct our prayer, what to say, who for and more. Let's also understand whether or not it works.

Prayer is a two-way street. If it's one-directional for you, then you've got to reach a little deeper. You can't just send up prayers, you need to be getting something back. God's presence is where? Within you. Right smack-dab in the middle of the core of your being. We must turn our ears in instead of up to hear His voice. It is when we reach a certain level of maturity that we can start to tune God in. I'm not saying there can't be that "burning bush" moment. God is all-powerful! His voice, however, is triggered to release by our ability to hear it. This ability is developed through meditation, prayer and conversation with God.

Actually, it is Jesus who does most of the talking to me. I feel it rather than hear it. It's an urging and it comes in bits and pieces. I've never had Jesus present a soliloquy to me, just little phrases or words. Folks, this is how it works for me. I want you to know what to listen for. I can imagine it might be different for everyone.

I had a friend think I could actually HEAR the voice. Nope - I just feel an internal word or phrase jump into the middle of my thinking. "Oh," she said, "I think that's happened to me." It's hard to trust that this is Jesus. You might think that you're just telling yourself something - that it's your conscience. Trust! You'll know when it's Jesus. Spirit helps you there. His words make me say, "Ah! Hadn't thought about that." They make sense. They turn your head to a new way of thinking or confirm you're on the right track. Trust Him and trust yourself that you know Him.

When you were a kid, do you remember trying to nudge the dial just right to get your favorite radio station? Maybe you had to stand on one foot with your tongue just right while holding on to the antennae. The concentration needed to hear Jesus is exactly like that. Keep nudging the dial. Concentrate harder. He's there.

What are we supposed to say? Two things to keep in mind here.

ONE: Be genuine.

The Lord's Prayer is a beautiful prayer and the perfect one to know. We were given The Lord's Prayer as a model, and what a wonderful teaching tool it is. As for the prayers and meditations that a group says together in a church, those have their purpose. Perhaps group sayings are a little stiff and boring, but they're still important. When you pray or repeat phrases together, it is the group practicing unity of focus and energy - and that's a good thing. It might not seem genuine prayer - but again, at that point it's about the group praying together and strength in numbers. Think of our strands of energy collecting together in one, strong group rope of praise and prayer. One voice; one thought. 

Jesus, as you might imagine, ultimately wants to hear what you have to say. He can't help solve your problems to help you grow stronger if He doesn't know how you really feel. Think of the child in the store that is just repeating "Mom. Mom. Mom. Mom." And she asserts, "What?!" Can you imagine Jesus getting a little frustrated with our child-like requests? "Jesus, help me. Jesus, help me. Jesus, I'm sorry. Jesus, Jesus, Jesus." Yes -- He already knows what we want and need, but hearing our prayers from our hearts is critical to our communication with Christ. He needs more than just His wonderful name. He needs to know what or who you're specifically praying for. How do you feel about it? What are you learning? Give it all to him; not just the Cliff Notes.

Don't forget to praise! How many mothers in history have just waited for the "Thanks, Mom" for the dinner, for doing the laundry, for bringing her blessed cherubs into this world? Just one little note of thanks goes a long way! Why do we think our Father is any different? We should praise more than we plead.

Gratitude will get you EVERYWHERE! I'm sure you've been challenged before, but I'll suggest an attitude of gratitude again. Write down five things you're truly grateful for every day. Not only is this just a good thing to do for your soul, it truly changes your point of view. I can find myself feeling and, unfortunately, acting like such a jerk some days. When living in a life of gratitude, I don't feel that way and my actions are much more positive. God wants us to be grateful for what we have -- and oh, we have so much!

            Is anyone among you in trouble? Let them pray. Is anyone happy? Let

            them sing songs of praise. (James 5:13)

There are times when I'm praying to Jesus but actually whining would be a better verb to use. I'm trying to explain to Him my feelings and doubts, but when I listen to myself, I just sound so negative. I'm learning to stop the whining and start the praising. I just start unloading the many, many things I'm grateful for. A clearer connection comes through at that point and I'm able to refocus. We must be grateful!

Think of it this way. Gratitude clears a path to God. If we don't go to the Lord with thanks, our prayers become befuddled with whining, complaining, worry (which He said not to do), and negativity. Prayer, even when praying ardently for healing, should be a positive experience. Jesus wants to see into our hearts, but I've been sent the message loud and clear that it is gratitude that clears the airwaves. I've started my best to begin each day with my lists and lists of things I'm grateful for. In return, Jesus and I can tune into one another.

Perhaps the true reality is that it's the point of view we're taking towards this gift God has given us ... life. We're getting a chance to develop our Faith and do we want to do that on a positive note or a sour one? In working with schools, I've learned that teaching through positive behavior supports is so much better for learning and the environment than to yell at students and wait for them to make mistakes. Time to apply this theory to our lives. Train your soul to think in the positive instead of the negative. Listen to your internal voice. Are you more likely to see the dark or the light? We can change! But it takes practice. By starting each day with our lists of gratitude, we will get there.

Need some ideas on how to become more positive?

.   Start your gratitude journal ... right now!!

.   Begin your prayer time in thanks with the Lord instead of jumping immediately to your concerns.

.   Two great books come to mind; "Simple Abundance" by Sarah Ban Breathnach and "One Thousand Gifts" by Ann Voskamp

.   Surround yourself with positive people, quotes, images, music, etc.

We should even be thankful for our challenges! My basketball coach used to tell us that we should be worried when he stops yelling at us. Why? Because he said that would be the point when he would have given up on us. Coach never stopped yelling I think I'm happy to say, but the same is true with God (although with much less yelling, I hope). When He stops teaching us lessons, does that mean we're now perfect? Hardly! He will stop teaching when He thinks we no longer have the desire to learn ... or when we're no longer worthy to teach. In Old Testament times, God would go silent. Can you imagine the dread you'd feel? Through the sacrifice of Jesus, He's promised not to do that again. He will never give up on us, but His lessons should not be taken for granted.

We must thank God for our lessons and for His attention and effort in helping us grow our Faith. In reflecting on my life, I'm amazed at what challenges God blessed me with. Might sound strange, but I'm in awe at the events He knew I could get through. It's like when the teacher gives just you an extra hard book to read. We're frightened but honored by the challenge. My mind just went to "Forrest Gump" and Lieutenant Dan screaming at the top of the mast, "Is that the best that you've got?!" I'm not suggesting we challenge God or hope for dramatic changes to our lives, but take a moment and see how He's been pushing you to grow. Those lessons are what makes you the person you are today.

When I was in college, I met a darling fella by the name of Michael. What a free spirit! We bonded immediately and even though we were nothing alike, we became the best of friends. Michael had been sick all of his life and struggled mightily with asthma. Just when I was starting my first year of teaching I got the call that Michael had died. My heart just ripped in two. I was far away from family and friends and they didn't even realize how important this man was to me. It was a difficult recovery, but a year later I remember thinking that when taken to the lowest level, I had the opportunity to put back into my life what I wanted. Essentially, I was starting the growth of my tree again. After college, I was as far away from God as I'd ever been. I can look back now and see that this loss started my road back. He never had left me, and feeling His presence again after years of nothing was such a startling joy and comfort. He cried so many nights with me, but I had to come back to Him and after some time I was ready to know Him again. Thank you God for my dear Michael and thank you for that most valuable journey.

I once read, "Want to hear God laugh? Tell him your plans." I think there's great truth there. A solution has already been mapped out for you and your prayers are strengthening you as well as helping the plan along. God is interested in us being a part of our plan and our prayers to Him help with that focus. When the going gets tough, however, we could not begin to craft a more perfect solution to our troubles than God already designed years ago. People have been placed in your path, books have been written, songs have been sung to help you with what you struggle with today. His plan is perfect! If you stop long enough to reflect on His solutions for your life, you'll see the delicate love that only a Creator can use. Thank Him, dear ones. We can only be so lucky to receive some of His teaching.

            Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition,                   with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. (Philippians 4:6)

Don't forget to pray in Jesus' name when you do and send your prayers of thanks and need to God - internally. Remember - go in, not up. Concentrate on it, meditate over it, feel it, lick it, stamp it and send it -- don't just say it.

A Quick Faith-Check

What a great story from Mark 9: 17 - 27.
 
A man in the crowd answered, "Teacher, I brought you my son, who is possessed by a spirit that has robbed him of speech. Whenever it seizes him, it throws him to the ground. He foams at the mouth, gnashes his teeth and becomes rigid. I asked your disciples to drive out the spirit, but they could not."
"O unbelieving generation," Jesus replied, "how long shall I stay with you? How long shall I put up with you? Bring the boy to me." So they brought him. When the spirit saw Jesus, it immediately threw the boy into a convulsion. He fell to the ground and rolled around, foaming at the mouth. Jesus asked the boy's father, "How long has he been like this?" "From childhood," he answered. "It has often thrown him into fire or water to kill him. But if you can do anything, take pity on us and help us." " 'If you can'?" said Jesus. "Everything is possible for him who believes." Immediately the boy's father exclaimed, "I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief !" When Jesus saw that a crowd was running to the scene, he rebuked the evil spirit. "You deaf and mute spirit," he said, "I command you, come out of him and never enter him again." The spirit shrieked, convulsed him violently and came out. The boy looked so much like a corpse that many said, "He's dead." But Jesus took him by the hand and lifted him to his feet, and he stood up. 

Oh, we of little faith. 

Why do I stand in awe when Jesus has answered my prayers? Don't get me wrong. I think a little awe is a good thing. It's always nice to be recognized a bit for your talents. But let's look at our faith in a different way.

What if you truly believed that Jesus was listening?
What if you truly believed He WILL and WANTS to answer your prayers?
What would you genuinely, on your knees, ask for?

This is not the genie-in-the-lamp concept here, folks. What do you need that would make your life at ease? What would make your life manageable so that you could turn more attention to HIS work? 

Faith is not a destination -- it's the journey. We don't want to have faith and be done with it. We need to understand that our faith grows and develops. The more we get it, the more we get. I'm not hoping for monetary gain, but I know that the better I'm listening to what He's telling me, the more I know He's listening to me when I need to tell Him something. Faith is the give and take. 

So ... back to the issue at hand ... how much faith are you giving and how much are you expecting to take?
  
What if you truly listened to Jesus?
What if you worked for His will?
What would you ask to do for Him?

I love to try and listen to the words of my Lord and how He would have sounded at the time. Don't read the scriptures in your Bible-voice, hear them as though you had taught your lessons for over two years and the folks were STILL doubting you could help. I think if we used a current translation for 2012, I would add a "Seriously?!" in there somewhere. My Lord is getting frustrated. Frustration is not a sin. He's wondering when the message is going to his. 'If you can?' he sarcastically questions. Allow me my interpretation. 'What do you mean, IF I can?? Seriously, sand-dwellers! If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times. I've got this!' 

If faith is give and take -- my Lord, the KING OF KINGS is telling you that He's ready to give AND take! He's giving you grace, peace, love... He's taking your burdens, your sins, your grief. He's wondering when we're going clue in as a group and take us up on His offer. But let's not worry about the group for now. Let's dig in deep, stand in AWE, and take what He has to offer for us personally. 

"Everything is possible for him who believes." Check your scripture again. Who said this? He's giving us hope and a plan. I'm ready to live with this idea every day. I don't need to know that good things will or won't happen - I just need to believe that it's possible. I need to know that I'm at the smorgasbord of something good. Reminds me of an oldie, but a goodie, from the Gaither group:

"Something beautiful, something good
All my confusion He understood
All I had to offer Him was brokenness and strife
But he made something beautiful of my life"

Exactly. This is what gets me EVERY TIME! He is giving me life and love. I only have pitiful gifts to give in return and yet this is exactly the plan. He wants us as He created us; the good, the bad and the ugly. I think He knows that when we are only able to give Him our brokenness that He has us completely. Don't be afraid to lay down your sins and sorrows at His feet. Those come with the best of bows and fancy paper to my King.




But please, don't wait until you're in need like the father in this story was. Believe now! Trust now! Talk to Him now! If He can get rid of a demon-spirit and raise the dead, He can certainly handle our issues. We need to remind ourselves that He truly wants to. Wouldn't you want your child to be demon-free?

C'mon... have a little faith.

The Conversation

Ever had a friend that only talked about themselves and never asked how you were? Annoying, right? God wants to engage in a conversation; He's not interested in a one-sided diatribe on your ills and woes. My Gramma used to correct her friends that answered the “How are you?” question with a litany of their ailments. It's boring and gets old! There’s the old adage that God gave us two ears and one mouth. The ratio is implied. We must listen to what He is saying. We must hear the voice within.

When you’re feeling brave, how about a true conversation? What does this look like, feel like, sound like? We learn best by modeling, so if you’ll forgive me, I’d like to demonstrate how conversation with Jesus developed for me. After reading the book, “The Shack” by William P. Young, I kept thinking of the idea of sitting down for breakfast with God, Jesus and Spirit. Could it ever really be that easy? Could I ever have a face-to-face conversation with my Lord and Savior?

Feeling the wind in my wings, I gave it a shot.

I have the blessing and curse of driving pretty good treks every day for my work; lots of windshield time to use. I thought as I drove, where would I have a conversation with Jesus? Mountain-side? Too woodsy. In my car? Too messy. Kitchen table sounded about right to me.

My mom always told me that I’m a better decorator than a cleaner. I guess that’s true because the first thing after deciding where we’d meet was to imagine what my kitchen looked like. Surprisingly enough, my mind wandered to my childhood babysitter’s kitchen. I laid out a blue, gingham tablecloth and put some flowers in a basket. My imaginary table sits next to a large window that overlooks a mountain. I was ready. I invited Jesus for a cup of joe.

You’ll never guess who showed up.

For the first few moments I was just praying like normal. You know the drill; ‘Dear God, Please be with ... And thank you for... and sorry that I...’ That wasn’t working; there was no connection. So, I just started rambling about my kids, my job, my needs and wants, etc. And then came THE feeling ... a “Jimminy Cricket”, inside-my-heart urging whispered, “Just talk to me.”

I remember kind of looking around at the road. Did I just say that to myself? I didn’t hear a voice -- I felt a voice.

I started really talking to Jesus, like I was chatting with my sister on the front porch drinking a Diet Coke. I “looked” at my Jesus sitting across the table from me and poured out my heart. I told Him how much I loved my kids and was so thankful for them. That made Him smile and I thought, 'He loves them so much too! Of course He does! He created them!' (Breakthrough!!) I talked more about my job and the trials and successes. He grinned again and I felt like He knew His plan for me was coming along just fine. There was a sense of pride from Jesus. I mean J-E-S-U-S. Not an imaginary friend or a memory - the man, the legend ... Jesus. I had a sense that we were communicating ... actively.

Next day, I tried again. I had to set up my kitchen space in order to prepare. I wanted to focus on where I was and I wanted to focus on Him. This time, I started in the middle of our conversation. It’s always awkward at first; nothing is automatic.  But because I’ve practiced so much it’s getting easier.

During one of these early coffee-klatches, I was telling Jesus AGAIN about my concerns of finding the right guy for me and my girls. I cannot tell you how many times and in how many ways I have prayed this particular prayer of "fill my cup, Lord" with the guy of my dreams. I kind of thought, 'Surely He’ll answer me now! We're having "coffee" for Pete's sake!' Then I got that inside urging again. But this time is said to ‘Listen’. I remember thinking, ‘Oh right. I’m supposed to listen as much as I talk to Him.’ Before I could finish my thought, scripture came to mind. Even though I had to find it in my Bible, it was not automatically committed to memory, this is what was given to me;

When they had finished eating, Jesus said to Simon Peter, “Simon son of John, do you love me more than these?” “Yes, Lord,” he said, “you know that I love you.” Jesus said, “Feed my lambs.” Again Jesus said, “Simon son of John, do you love me?” He answered, “Yes, Lord, you know that I love you.” Jesus said, “Take care of my sheep.” The third time he said to him, “Simon son of John, do you love me?” Peter was hurt because Jesus asked him the third time, “Do you love me?” He said, “Lord, you know all things; you know that I love you.” Jesus said, “Feed my sheep.” (John 21: 15-17)

I had to think about this for a while. I even waited until I got home that day. What was He trying to tell me?

My gut was telling me that Jesus was kind of tired of the same old question from me; ‘Where’s my man?’ I had tried so many times to convince Jesus that this is what my life needed. ‘Not for me, Jesus...for my girls.’ ‘You tell us you want us to have a mate.’ ‘I’m lonely and everyone else is doing it.’ Blah, blah, blah. I think Jesus was saying, “Stop thinking about it. Go -- take care of my sheep. Do my work. Enough.”

Harsh? Maybe. But I decided to trust Him. I’m always telling my friends to - might as well take my own advice. I sent out an 'Ok.' to my Lord and that’s been it. I simply do not think about it anymore. It’s not hard to do! I’m not stressed about my lack of man, I don’t look for him in the grocery store, and I’m not lonely or depressed. The feelings are just gone. The relief that has come has been hard to believe. I didn’t realize how much of my time this prayer had occupied, and not just my time with Jesus. Sure, I have occasionally thought about my single-hood again, but then comfort like a blanket spreads over me and I’m at peace. The 41-year-old ‘Old Maid’ is content. Now that’s a miracle! I’m not trying to out-sensationalize a cancer cure or a baby to the barren, but this has been on my heart for a LoooNNNggg time. Now it’s just gone. My heart can focus on His sheep otherwise known as my children, my family, my co-workers and customers, my Sunday School kids, my Bible Study gals, and you, dear readers.

As you can imagine, my belief-o-meter has hit the roof. I was urged during coffee-time to share my story. I did with much hesitation. All of this is great, but I feel a little crazy. My story was well received and I've been encouraged by my friends. I’m forging on-ward. I’m going for it. I’m choosing to believe and to stand up and share my story.

Most mornings during my drive now I spend at my 'table' with my Jesus. I talk. I get distracted. He laughs. I can feel that it’s ok when I get off-track because He’s peeking into my life and my mind. I don’t feel Him talking to me every morning; and that’s ok too. He thinks I’m hilarious and He’s always there waiting for me to join Him for another chat. He’s always there. Read it again. He’s always there!

Find your kitchen table. Oh I’m just begging you. Do whatever you’ve got to do to have this experience. Yes, it’s weird! It’s funky. It’s slightly embarrassing to admit that I do. But I know that it’s real. I know that I’m in touch with The One and Only. I crave the same for you.

Let Down Your Nets

So there they were... those pesky disciples. They had been fishing all day - in the heat, on a boat, no wind...NO fish.

Jesus, wanting to cash in on the acoustic advantage of the water and the surrounding cliffs, asks to go out on the water a ways and preach. You know they were tired and sun-worn. But I would imagine, although irritated, once Jesus’ soothing voice and words of wisdom started echoing out in that inlet, their cares would have just drifted away. To be in the presence of the Word...as a fantastic song reminds us, I can only imagine.

Anyway... we don’t know what Jesus’ preaching was on at that moment. But just like my Awesome, Always-right Savior, it’s not always what He says, it’s what He does. He looks at His boys and tells them to head back out on the water and go fishing. Read the first paragraph again.

And I suppose, because they had learned their lesson before, Simon says, “Master, we’ve worked hard all night and haven’t caught anything. But because you say so, I will let down the nets.” (Luke 5:4.) Oh my gosh I just love this. I love the hint of “you’re a pain in my dusty sandals” under-the-breath comment while submitting to the Master. This is such a teenage response! I’m only laughing at Simon because I can soooooo relate. And what did Jesus say? Nothing. Ab-so-lutely nothin’! Jesus is such a wise teacher, but you have to think that He’s giggling about their attitude...knowing what’s about to happen.

And do they catch the fish? (My Lord is going to make his point here loud and clear.) He’s simply implying, ‘If you follow my instructions and listen to what I say... you will catch the fish.’ There were so many fish in their nets, they had to call in reinforcements just to bring it in. I’m laughing! C’mon...say it with me...I love my Lord!

After Simon, Simon Peter, and the boys picked their jaws up off of the deck (their pride was left back in the deep sea), they turned to Jesus and pulled a classic Wayne’s World “we’re not worthy!” reaction. “When Simon Peter saw this, he fell on his knees and said, ‘Go away from me, Lord; I am a sinful man!’” (Luke 5: 6). I’m with you boys. I feel your pain.

So where are you in this story? Are you the disciple? The witness on the beach? Maybe you’re the fish.

Today I’m Simon Peter; I’m doubting what God is telling me to do. I’m listening to the instructions, somewhat following the rules. But my faith doesn’t feel in the right place. I’ve fished all day and have caught nothing. I’ve thanked God for my beautiful family, my great job, wonderful friends, etc.; but I’m still looking for the big catch...and it just ain’t comin’.

Answers to prayers are sometimes slow in the delivery but there’s a reason! With this story, I can almost start to understand that perhaps Jesus just needs my attention. He’s reminding me that ‘of course your feeling tired and like you have an empty boat. Darling...You’ve been fishing ALONE! Your methods haven’t worked because you didn’t use my timing. And you certainly weren’t using my nets!’

We have to submit. We have to listen to the guidance that Spirit is giving us. And even though we’re exhausted - we have to put back out to sea. The lessons Jesus is teaching us now is what will make a difference for eternity. We have to struggle and learn and even fail and succeed. But the big catch is there. Just put your trust in Jesus. Rename the boat and turn it back out with the tide. When trouble comes along, don’t solve it yourself...give it to Jesus.

Is that the end of the story? Of course not. Never is...

Jesus, after receiving the thanks and admittances from the fellas simply says, “Don’t be afraid; from now on you will catch men.” (Luke 5: 10). And you know what? They never fished for a living again but there certainly are a lot of Christians in this world, thanks in large part to my boys from the boat.

This is the point, really. Jesus has selected a few of His children to help Him bring in the haul. It’s not our job to struggle and learn just for the sake of learning. It’s our job to go through all of this so that we have a story to tell. I’ve tried for years to lose weight and the minute someone skinny tells me how to do it; honestly, I want to force-feed butter down their scrawny necks. But I digress...  Do you honestly think that a sinner wants to hear from someone that has gotten it right since day one that Jesus can help them? I’m not encouraging you to pick up drinking so that you can break the habit. I’m simply saying that the challenges you have faced and are going to encounter are the bait!

And when He’s ready - when we’ve learned enough - the catch will come in. It might be one significant fish you’ve been after for a while, one fish that convinces all of his friends to join him, or a catch so large, well -  You’re going to need a bigger boat! The rewards will be worth it so much that you’ll throw yourself at His feet and declare your unworthiness. What a party it’s going to be!

How do we get started? Reflect on your own experiences. Imagine what your testimony might be. Practice telling the wind how Jesus made things better for you; how He answered your prayers. You have a story to tell. Remember - the best bait is usually the freshest. Spirit will give you the opportunity to talk to someone who needs to hear - you just need to be ready to tell your story. Don’t shake your head at me. You do have a story to tell!

And the next time Jesus tells you to go fishing, let down your nets, let down your guard, let down your hair... and get your big boat out there.

Still Small Voice

I bought a new van. Well - let's be honest. I'm borrowing a new van until I pay some people some money. We just love it! It has so many buttons and lights and levers and buttons ... the girls and I have been on our own daily carnival ride for the last month. We even discovered green limo lights that have no purpose whatsoever except to make three girls giggle. This car was made for us!

There have been a few things I couldn't make sense of and was too proud to read the manual about. There is a small triangle on each of the side mirrors. I thought they would light up when I turned on the blinker, but no such luck. Curious yet patient I've driven on, waiting for the mysterious triangles to unveil their secrets. But we'll get back to these in a minute.

I often feel as though life has been going along with the occasional ripple or even slight wave in my calm seas. I pray. Jesus and I walk. We talk. We deal. Lately, however, my calm seas have been a tsunami and I feel as if I'm losing my grip. It's back-to-school time which is chaotic and exhausting for me, I have friends with very sick children, I can't get the checkbook to balance, and, wouldn't-you-know-it, according to pictures posted on Facebook my diet isn't working. (Suppose you actually have to be on one to be too upset.)

So I pray harder. I don't walk because I've lost the energy. I grow quiet. I don't deal.

Where's my Jesus? I'm still praying to Him. I know He's there. I know He's with me. But my Superhero Savior hasn't rescued me yet and I'm having trouble hearing Him over the raging winds.

Yesterday a phrase kept popping into my head -- "Still small voice." I love when this happens because it never fails to be the wisdom I'm looking for with some amazing truth to unfold. This morning, as I write to you at 5:00 AM, I couldn't wait and I jumped on to research my phrase. Check this out.

"And he said, Go forth, and stand upon the mount before the Lord. And, behold, the Lord passed by, and a great and strong wind rent the mountains, and brake in pieces the rocks before the Lord; but the Lord was not in the wind: and after the wind an earthquake; but the Lord was not in the earthquake:

And after the earthquake a fire; but the Lord was not in the fire: and after the fire a still small voice." (1 Kings: 11-12)

My tsunami has been so great, my Jesus went Old Testament on my ass.

I have to withstand the flame ... and the earthquake ... and the wind. I know He's there with me. He's most likely holding my hand so I don't blow away or sheltering me from the big rocks that are flying around. I have to endure and get through so that I can hear His voice clearly again. He is the still small voice. He is heard when it is still. But what occurred to me is that He will STILL be there. 

I didn't lose faith in thinking God had left me. I know that some people do and I pray for them this morning. Where I got lost was the frustration of trying to hear my Jesus in the midst of my troubles. I was trying to make sense and obtain meaning without first just holding on to Him. Storms will rage. I know this! But as His child, I need to stop trying to control the wave and simply let Him be THE shelter I need. I need to pray and step into His loving arms and be still while the evil winds blow. This doesn't mean that I just let things happen to me without putting up a fight or praying harder. It means to me, this morning, that I need to Let Go and Let God. He's probably not going to explain what's happening to me or why or what I will be learning from this as the storm rages. Have you ever tried to talk to someone in strong Kansas winds? They probably just smiled and nodded anyway. Best to tuck in, feel His ever-present love, know that He's got the wheel and that I'm where I need to be.

Is my storm over? I don't know. I may be in the eye of the hurricane. I will send up great thanks for the calm but prepare to hunker down again if needed. As any student knows, however, the next time the test comes I will try to be a little more prepared. I've learned something here and that's what is bringing me closer to my Christ... closer to living as the forgiven child that I am.

And when the horizon starts to darken the next time, I feel as though the still small voice will give me a caution light. I'm getting better in my 41st year of recognizing the signs of the onslaught. 

Yesterday while driving in Wichita traffic, I was making a lane change while rushing 65 miles an hour in some heavy traffic. I about made my move when I noticed the mysterious triangle light was on in the side mirror. What in the world? I slowed a bit and just then a car in my blind spot sped on by.

The words that He gives us are probably not going to be on a billboard announcing, "HUNKER DOWN DEAR CHILD! I'VE GOT YOUR BACK." But by tuning in daily and often to Him, I'm going to learn to notice the triangle in the side mirror. It's always there, waiting to caution me. 

And today, with our rain slickers still on, my Jesus and I get to work cleaning up the mess. But first we'll sit at my table and share our morning cup of coffee. I'll also be sure to thank Him for the friend and the family that also were holding on to me in my storm. But the clutter in my head is gone and Radio Jesus is coming in loud and clear. It's going to be a good day.